Why do I feel shame within my family?
Watch Listen Read Our family of origin, unfortunately, can be a large source of shame in our lives. And it sounds like in your case, what is deeply painful is the same patterns keep reoccurring, the pattern between your mom and your brother. And this is why it’s so crucial to understand the emotion of […]
Am I in denial?
Watch Listen Read Am I in denial that I feel shame around not telling my family, but I also know it’s the right thing. Am I in denial? I am so thrilled by the women responding. You are not in denial. Trust yourself. You are smart. In disclosing to family members, we tell you to […]
Can I learn to accept my body image?
Watch Listen Read You bring up one of the issues that I would say almost all, we’re not able to really say all because there are a rare few exceptions of women who do not struggle with body image, but almost all women struggle with body image and with beauty body image, aging period. But […]
Why do I feel more humiliated than I do shame from my husband’s actions?
Watch Listen Read I think I feel more humiliated than I am shame that I’m feeling shame from my husband’s actions. And I think it’s important to distinguish the difference of humiliation versus shame. Humiliation is a different emotion you feel like outrage, like I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this. Where shame you […]
How can I overcome feeling like I am disposable?
Watch Listen Read I actually got teary when I read your question, because I said those very same words. I said to my mom, I feel like just the garbage that got taken out, just disposable. I feel disposable and unlovable and it’s so heartbreaking. When you’re saying, “I didn’t do these assignments. I just […]
How can I decrease the amount of checking and all of the self-defeating behaviors and yet not limit it entirely?
Watch Listen Read I know these things are keeping me stuck, but really the question is, but I’m not ready to eliminate them a hundred percent, because it sounds like while husband is doing better, there are still some dishonesties. So it’s, how can I decrease this amount of checking and all of the self-defeating […]
Is it normal to have intrusive thoughts of my husband sexually acting out?
Watch Listen Read What I want to say to you is, you are three months into recovery and you are already recognizing, you’re saying I have vivid images that are triggered, and you’re saying you’re stopping, checking yourself, realizing that they’re imagined, and is it normal? I’m like, holy cow, that’s not normal. You are […]
How can I pull myself together to make self-care a priority?
Watch Listen Read Oh that is such a hard question, because we know what others tell us that we need to be doing in order to be able to gain traction and momentum in our recovery. We also feel good after the fact after we do it. So why don’t we do it? There are […]
Do you recommend spouses finding some sort of accountability partner for our boundaries?
Watch Listen Read I love that because the answer is yes. Addiction is about boundary failure and as partners, we have a difficult time holding boundaries. So this is where if you are in a betrayal trauma group, which you guys really in effect are with each other, put your dailies out there and hold […]
Each time I get my feet back under me, another relapse happens. Should I just stop asking or looking for clues until he’s out of recovery?
Watch Listen Read Oh, that’s so hard, and I know that everybody in this group can relate to that feeling of feeling like you’re just back on your feet, and then here comes another one. What I would really recommend along the way are these trust discussions. The check-ins that you’re having, those fast check-ins […]