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I actually got teary when I read your question, because I said those very same words. I said to my mom, I feel like just the garbage that got taken out, just disposable. I feel disposable and unlovable and it’s so heartbreaking. When you’re saying, “I didn’t do these assignments. I just don’t feel like I have the mental capacity to do it”, don’t feel pressure to. Even being here, listening to it, writing in a question, be gentle with yourself, that is, it is so painful to say out loud “I feel disposable”. And that’s taking such a big step, just do what you can and don’t feel like you have to just dig in and do all this work. Do what you can and be compassionate to yourself and be gentle with yourself, because this is hard, painful work that requires so much grieving. There is so much pain.
And so I just commend you, I honor you for your courage to be here, please stay here. Because I do know how you feel, and I know how it feels to be able to get to the other side of it. And I just really want to help in any way that I can to help you get through that.
Just know, I am worthy to be here. I remember formerly apologizing, I would get on an elevator, “oh, I’m sorry”. And I always apologized for taking up space anywhere. And just know you have the right to be here, you have the right to be honored and loved by all of us. So please stay and just be gentle with yourself and compassionate with yourself.