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Am I in denial that I feel shame around not telling my family, but I also know it’s the right thing. Am I in denial? I am so thrilled by the women responding. You are not in denial. Trust yourself. You are smart.
In disclosing to family members, we tell you to be very careful because once you disclose there, you can’t take it back. And the most important thing, the fact you’re saying, I hate not telling them the truth, but I also know it’s right. You absolutely trust yourself that you know it’s right. And so don’t question that. So I just want to thank you both for saying trust that, listen to that.
Now shame is about hiding. And it is so difficult when, especially, when you’re really close to two family members and you’re holding things. And so I wouldn’t see that as you’re doing the wrong thing, it’s just hard to be in a position where you’re withholding, that’s what you should be doing. But it’s important you have other people that you are talking to, other people that you are able to talk to, that you do feel safe with.
The important thing with shame when you’re mentioning that this feels like, of course I would feel rejected and I would feel less than as a result of my husband’s actions. That is true, but there is this experience that when we discover our partner’s behaviors, we know it’s not anything, it’s about them, but we feel like it has something to do with us. That I’m not enough, that if I were prettier or sexier or if I were more. And so sometimes there’s a split between knowing that’s not true, but then feeling that that does feel true. And so that’s what I’m trying to get at here, I would be thrilled if you don’t feel that.
So just to answer your question, trust yourself, you’re saying, I know I’m doing the right thing. Trust that, never doubt that.