What are some practices that can be done to increase the strength of relationships?
Watch Listen Read I just want to share this, this little section is beautiful about for the past several months, your family has been keeping the commitment to hug one another and share how much we love one another. And what a beautiful experience that has been on a daily to share that love. What […]
Is it normal to have intrusive thoughts of my husband sexually acting out?
Watch Listen Read What I want to say to you is, you are three months into recovery and you are already recognizing, you’re saying I have vivid images that are triggered, and you’re saying you’re stopping, checking yourself, realizing that they’re imagined, and is it normal? I’m like, holy cow, that’s not normal. You are […]
Do you recommend spouses finding some sort of accountability partner for our boundaries?
Watch Listen Read I love that because the answer is yes. Addiction is about boundary failure and as partners, we have a difficult time holding boundaries. So this is where if you are in a betrayal trauma group, which you guys really in effect are with each other, put your dailies out there and hold […]
Each time I get my feet back under me, another relapse happens. Should I just stop asking or looking for clues until he’s out of recovery?
Watch Listen Read Oh, that’s so hard, and I know that everybody in this group can relate to that feeling of feeling like you’re just back on your feet, and then here comes another one. What I would really recommend along the way are these trust discussions. The check-ins that you’re having, those fast check-ins […]
Under what circumstances would you advise sharing the list of your losses with your spouse?
Watch Listen Read My response to that is in all circumstances, I would want them to know the impact that this experience had on the individual who has struggled with the betrayal. Whether you stay married or you get divorced. I would suggest that under all circumstances, you share the list of losses so that […]
What kinds of ongoing questions and check-ins would you recommend us doing so that one of us doesn’t slip into old patterns? And if we do slip, how can we protect our marriage in our own self so that we don’t both slip?
Watch Listen Read My husband and I recently sat down to discuss how we’ve been acting like cows these past few months. We had grown and healed so much the first year after disclosure. And then when our newest baby was born, I began to regress and struggle. As a result of my pulling away, […]
How do I face the storm when I don’t know when he is being honest and when he is not?
Watch Listen Read The big storm for me is the fear of being lied to. My husband is in active recovery for his pornography, masturbation addiction, but he has had relapses and has lied about his sobriety through these relapses until I found about them and confront him. I feel capable of working with him […]
What should I do after I turn and face the situation with pure emotion since my spouse doesn’t respond effectively?
Watch Listen Read When I’m the Buffalo with my husband, he will listen nicely, but his lack of empathy and concern leaves my cup half empty, and I feel like I didn’t get anywhere in our relationship progress. Being a Buffalo doesn’t mean that you’re going to progress, it means that you’re going to be […]
How do I muster the will to be a Buffalo in tough situations?
Watch Listen Read Feel angry and self-righteous, and don’t know how to change. When I watch the videos, I definitely see how being a Buffalo is good and addresses issues head on. But every time I think about my husband’s acting out with other women, which I had no idea about, I feel angry, scared, […]