How do I muster the will to be a Buffalo in tough situations?
Watch Listen Read Feel angry and self-righteous, and don’t know how to change. When I watch the videos, I definitely see how being a Buffalo is good and addresses issues head on. But every time I think about my husband’s acting out with other women, which I had no idea about, I feel angry, scared, […]
How can I encourage my husband to find meaningful help without controlling him?
Watch Listen Read I found this workshop very helpful for my own recovery journey and have told my husband about it and encouraged him to seek out help through your partner page path for men. He has done a few self guided courses and shared some of his answers that I noticed that they were […]
How can I rebuild my marriage when it feels like I can’t trust my husband?
Watch Listen Read I feel I used to be a Buffalo and now I’ve become a cow. Since D-Day, my husband denials and trickle of information make me feel like a cow when it comes to thinking about putting things back on track, so to speak. I don’t feel like a mirror dropped on the […]
How can my husband recall or explain his physically acting out?
Watch Listen Read Dr. Skinner a previous week someone asked about intrusive imagery, wondering exactly what physically acting out looked like, how it occurred, what was the conversation, etc. You recommended a full therapeutic disclosure, but in my case, and probably most others, these are the details that will never be known. My husband had […]
How can I manage my anger towards my husband?
Watch Listen Read This is my third time through You Bloom, I’m glad you’re with us. Each time I take it, I learn new things. One of the things I haven’t yet learned is how to manage the anger I feel towards my husband. I am four years post D-Day. Although it is said, it […]
What do you do when you have tried to tell your spouse how they make you feel and it either falls on deaf ears or they turn it around on you telling you that you shouldn’t feel that way?
Watch Listen Read Keeping the faith that, that turning it around, you shouldn’t feel that way is turning you on your own emotions. And I do feel that would be my response, whatever that is, I still feel that. And you say I shouldn’t feel that way. How should I feel then when X, Y, […]
If I’m being a Buffalo, how do I handle a bad reaction from my spouse?
Watch Listen Read Earlier I talked about asking a question. Sometimes buffaloing up is asking hard questions and then just listening. So buffaloing up is not just strong all the time, sometimes it’s, I’m feeling disconnected, I don’t know what to do with it. So you continue, whether it be defensiveness, gaslighting, anger, shame, or […]
How can I find the strength to follow through with my boundaries even though my husband breaks them?
Watch Listen Read I got strong, made boundaries, and a year later, my husband is still breaking them, which is tiring this little Buffalo gal out. I uptake the boundary if he breaks them, which was recommended by my CSAT. Our next boundary break is a healing separation, and I am finding that storm to […]
How can I overcome feeling like I’m a buffalo in a cow pen?
Watch Listen Read Any thoughts, tips, or advice in dealing with situations where you feel like a Buffalo in a cow pen. Family or friends, not facing problems, pushing responsibility off onto you, misplaced blame. I’m guessing this would fall under boundary work, just so hard when you feel like it’s up to you to […]
What is the point of communicating with my husband when he’s not in the same place emotionally?
Watch Listen Read Alright, this is what I frequently encountered. I can speak as calmly and honestly as possible and it doesn’t matter because he’s not in the same place emotionally. His defensiveness rises and I feel like, what is the point? So I keep my feelings to myself because it’s no use sharing with […]