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I got strong, made boundaries, and a year later, my husband is still breaking them, which is tiring this little Buffalo gal out. I uptake the boundary if he breaks them, which was recommended by my CSAT. Our next boundary break is a healing separation, and I am finding that storm to be so hard. He goes into a smear campaign and I struggle knowing how to cope with family retaliation and issues. It’s like many storms right behind each other. He knows my boundary set is strong, so he does this to break me, to back me off of those safety guided therapist approved boundaries. How can I find the strength to follow through no matter what?
I guess the question is this, why don’t you care about my boundaries? You use the word smear, why do you feel like making me out to be the bad guy? If you want a relationship, am I really the bad guy here? Notice the questions, getting them to think, these are my boundaries and it feels like you don’t care about them.
I invite you to consider your commitment to the relationship, do you want this relationship? Because when you smear whatever he’s doing there, it just hurts us, and it’s harder to repair. So I think you need to decide, do you want the marriage or not? I know this isn’t easy, but those are the types of questions I would be asking. In order for you to keep those boundaries, you have to say, what’s preventing me from keeping them? What are your fears if you do keep them? I would probably journal about that.