What do you do when you have tried to tell your spouse how they make you feel and it either falls on deaf ears or they turn it around on you telling you that you shouldn’t feel that way?




Keeping the faith that, that turning it around, you shouldn’t feel that way is turning you on your own emotions. And I do feel that would be my response, whatever that is, I still feel that. And you say I shouldn’t feel that way. How should I feel then when X, Y, Z has occurred. So I would turn it into a question, have him help you solve the problem. It doesn’t matter if I should or shouldn’t, I do feel this way because X, Y, Z occurred. So I would at least put it that way.

Now, again, I want to speak clear here. When you’re a Buffalo, your spouse may not hear you. In fact, they may, because it’s so unique or so different, they may, I can’t do this. They might push you away. That’s entirely possible. They may go into their shame and not hear you because of their shame. And so for me personally, when you’re buffaloing up, you’re still standing to a boundary or truth, but again, what are you saying here? I do feel this way. And then invite him, I feel this way. How should I feel here? May be the question you would ask. Not even if you agree with his answer but at least in that situation, he is responsible for helping you deal with your feelings. And if he says, I don’t know. This is how I feel after this occurred, and it’s interesting that you’re telling me, I shouldn’t feel this way. I don’t know what to do with that. That’s what I would say.

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