I have been struggling with extreme anger with my husband because of all the lies he is telling me.
Watch Listen Read So dealing with anger. Hi, I’m really struggling with anger at my husband for all of the lies he has told and things he has done. I’m trying very hard not to lash out because I know it isn’t effective. But sometimes I just feel like it’s unfair that he doesn’t get […]
How do I get rid of my terrible nightmares resulting from betrayal trauma?
Watch Listen Read What to do about nightmares? Throughout my experience with betrayal trauma, I have been plagued by nightmares. It happens almost weekly. At the worst point, I had horrible dreams almost every night. I wake up exhausted and with a horrible headache, I can actually feel that my body has been pumping stress […]
I’m in California and we are still on lockdown and so are told not to hug people, which makes this exercise hard. I’m wondering what impact the pandemic will have on our collective ability to connect and support each other.
Watch Listen Read I just thank you for your question. Obviously, your physical health is a big deal, but mental health is also important. Hugs from if you have children, grandchildren are starting points. Animals, I found that when we can’t have physical touch, if you’ve got a pet, a cat or a dog, I […]
How can I heal in the middle of a marriage where connection is missing?
Watch Listen Read A magnifying glass on a lack of connection. Ouch. This lesson comes at a really difficult time for me. I am sad, and to realize that four years after betrayal, I still cannot hold a gaze on my husband’s eyes and experience love and connection. Looking back, the only times we have […]
I have been chemical hugging my son and daughter and am going to do the writing challenge with my husband, but that’s the scariest of them all.
Watch Listen Read I often chemical hug attack my son. He can be difficult to connect with and chemical hugs, long, deep, 20 second plus hugs have been a gift for our relationship. I’ve decided to do the eye challenge with him and he thought it was silly yesterday. But already today, he asked me […]
Why do women feel shame over admitting to friends and community members that they have been betrayed?
Watch Listen Read This question today may be an unusual question. But I had a rough week noticing the post of one of my in town community members sharing her betrayal story. Part of me longed to jump in there and say, Hey, you are so not alone. I wish I could hug her and […]
When I look into my husband’s eyes, all I see is deception and darkness.
Watch Listen Read Eye contact, I just see deception and darkness. I tried, I really did. One eye contact exercise with my husband was enough for me. Although eye contact is something that I long for and believe it’s very healthy to have in an intimate relationship, all I could see was deception and darkness. […]
Is there a way to face the truth without it taking all the work on my recovery away?
Watch Listen Read I like the idea of future casting and preparing for it. My husband took drugs during his porn sessions and really doesn’t remember anything he has done. When COVID settles, we have agreed to do a therapeutic full disclosure with polygraph. He is preparing the full disclosure in the meantime. I have […]
Can you give a few examples of preparing for the future trauma and what it might look like in a healthy way?
Watch Listen Read Yeah, what I would do is I would take an experience, an event that triggers you. And I would want to forecast how you have responded and then I would want to take that same experience and come up with a different response, creating a boundary, saying no, taking a timeout, talking […]
If my husband insults me in front of our therapist do I stand up for myself or let him speak his perspective?
Watch Listen Read Long story short, his brain became addicted when he was 11 years old, we have already been through one episode of him becoming increasingly distant, angry, blaming, silent, and he then had an affair. We managed to get through that with talk therapy, that we were both very naive about. Meaning we […]