Why do women feel shame over admitting to friends and community members that they have been betrayed?




This question today may be an unusual question. But I had a rough week noticing the post of one of my in town community members sharing her betrayal story. Part of me longed to jump in there and say, Hey, you are so not alone. I wish I could hug her and just comfort her but, I still struggle with isolation, shame I carry over what my husband did. I realized I could have beautiful connections but the shame is so high. Why do women feel shame over admitting to friends and community members that they have been betrayed? As always thank you for helping us grow and become strong again.

All right, your question, why do we feel the shame? Because we don’t want to be judged. We don’t want people to think less of us. We don’t want to acknowledge the pain because it puts it out there in the open. Now, your friend acknowledged it. That was courageous. If you can muster up the courage, just listen. Go in with open mind and just listen to her pain. And if appropriate, you can share some of your story. What will happen next is you will have developed something with a friend who’s suffering. Think about it as lifting someone up, cause that’s really what you’re doing. In the midst of your own pain, you’re helping someone else.

Now I know that this would be courageous, but this friend put it out there for public. That was courageous. But I do have a question, will she keep your confidence, your secret, or your pain and confidence? If not, then you may reconsider. We need people that we can trust, people who will keep our confidence, is cause you don’t obviously want everyone to know. But in sharing it with somebody, you have a team member. So you’re going to have to trust your instincts there. But if she’s someone that you trust and somebody that can keep confidences, you could help her and she could help you.

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