Watch Listen Read The question is what if the loves are losses? First, I just want to speak to your pain. And when you said this is all hidden, and I don’t have friends or want friends anymore, I distance myself from my mom, everything is just too painful, you sound very much alone. And, […]
Watch Listen Read I’ve tried some yoga on the site and just feel frustrated, feeling like I should be doing something more productive. I can see how the focus could maybe improve my calmness temporarily, but I can’t see it really releasing anything from anywhere in the body. Again, this is just a process and […]
Living with betrayal trauma can leave you with a wide range of mental and physical health issues. Likewise, the inner turmoil you’re experiencing can lead to a variety of symptoms. Betrayal trauma can make life difficult to manage. As you’re left trying to pick up the pieces, you may be wondering how to cope with […]
It wasn’t until a few weeks later it sunk in, D no longer chatted happily after pick up. I anxiously held my breath while waiting to turn left. My shoulders were tight and lifted. At times I avoided the entire intersection, adding 5 minutes to the drive, and found I was on the verge of tears at all times in a car.
We had trauma, and it was stuck in our bodies.
Here’s the thing. Any kind of trauma can deeply affect your heart, mind, and body. Sometimes there is a clear trigger. Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere. If trauma is left untreated, it can lead to long-term, serious mental illnesses like anxiety and depression. It’s all related.
Brothers and husbands and sisters and wives and parents, all stricken with unique physical, mental and spiritual ailments, in manifest as we grow older. All of us trailing difficult histories. And all of us clenched with particular anxieties and worries about the imminent future. And with our particular load, or perhaps in part of our individual pain, there felt a wedge, a wall around each of us, the wall pronouncing, “All of you don’t understand how hard and rough and relentless life has been for me.” Each one of us eager to feel validation for our personal life struggle.
A few months ago my 31 year old brother collapsed, without warning, and died. It was an undetected heart arrhythmia. And since then, I’ve had a paradigm shift. A huge one. His sudden departure, from this mortal phase of existence, has caused me to see life so differently. And it has especially caused me to see other’s so differently. Like I notice them more. And I feel of their malady more.
One day, early in my journey and in the middle of a very ugly cry, I staggered up from the floor and stared hard into the bathroom mirror. I saw my face. I was so very tired and grief-stricken. I saw the red blotches on my skin and the mascara running wild and dark. But then I saw my eyes. And by some miracle, I saw they were still shining. I gripped the edge of the sink and leaned in close, inches from the glass. Yes, I confirmed, they were tired and wet, but they still shone with something other than grief. I saw me. I felt me.
Earlier this year I saw comedian Demetri Martin do standup. In one of his bits, he made a joke about how the worst thing someone can say to you when you are angry or upset is, “cheer up!”
Just cheer up! It’s so simple! Just go up with the cheer, don’t you see?
As humans we endure misfortune, pain, distress. And our lights, once so illuminating, begin to fade. Yet, we must remember that within darkness, in pain, in suffering we are acquiring the ability to ascertain the light, the moments of joy and life and beauty.