If you’re, if they’re in shame and lack empathy your question of moving forward is first of all, it’s going to be focusing on your healing because if you want him to, or your spouse to hold that pain, they might not be ready.
They’ve got to do their work so they can be emotionally present for the relationship. If you’re asking your spouse to be there for you right now, it’s going to actually, they’re going to let you down because emotionally he’s got to deal with his shame and develop empathy, and then you can connect to the couple.
But when, if you’re trying to move forward in the relationship without that it’s gonna, it’s gonna be very hard because you’re not going to get anywhere. It requires us to move forward together. And that means he’s able to hold you in your pain if they don’t hold your pain because of their shame, then you can’t, you’re not going to connect as a relationship because there’s no connection.
There’s no emotional attunement. And if that without emotional attunement, it’s really hard to move forward in the relationship. Now, if we’re talking about your healing, then it’s working on your core beliefs, creating boundaries, understanding yourself, giving a voice to your pain, getting support, getting connected with other people. Those are all things that help people in their healing process without their spouses acknowledgement, behavior, disclosure, empathy, and dealing with the shame.