That’s a very important question. This is a question, especially for parents of younger kids, but I guess in general, for all kids, I have three young boys, nine, seven, and three, and I think it will be important for my husband and I to address some of his struggles with our boys at some point in their lives, in order to help them be aware of the temptations and open lines of communication.
But right now, my oldest is very sensitive and aware that mom and dad are having issues. He’s seen daddy sleeping on couch. Mommy has been crying, but it usually manifests his questions aimed at me if I will ever divorce daddy? Do I really love him? Is there’s anyone else I would want to marry? I think he senses my hurt and distance from my husband.
So he thinks that I’m not in love since my husband is making every effort to make me feel loved and cared for after all that he has done. I think it’s important to talk to our son about how daddy made some choices that hurt mommy and we’re working through it.
That’s exactly the way I would word it. And I think your husband needs to do it, not you. I think your husband needs to tell your son that he did that. And when he sees mommy crying, because she’s hurt because of my behaviors, I hurt mommy. That’s how I would approach it because he needs to take that responsibility not you. I don’t want to downplay it as it would confuse him and teach him not to trust his intuition.
But I’m just wondering how much to divulge at what is age appropriate. I think that daddy hurt mommy, if he asks more, I did something with another person that hurt your mom and that it would or whatever that behavior is. If it’s pornography, I looked at pornography, I looked at something inappropriate on the internet. He’s quite inquisitive and not easily satisfied with simple answers. He will push for more information so I’d want to be prepared. I’m just curious how other families have handled this. Knowing all kids are unique. We have to know what is best for each child.
Anyway, that’s what I would suggest that we openly talk but we do it in a way that daddy looked at some images or some pictures online that he shouldn’t have looked at. If it’s pornography, if it’s another woman, if it’s anything else that he did something with something, another person that hurt mommy bad, and I need to own that. And that would be something that I would have your husband do.