May 6 2020

Rebuilding Trust in a Relationship with Unresolved Hurt and Pain. Is It Possible?

Bloom,

Can you rebuild trust with your spouse, if there has been betrayal? Infidelity seems to be a growing trend in our society, but why?

In any relationship, maintaining trust requires effort. Likewise, honesty and communication are imperative for any relationship to be successful. Yet, after a betrayal occurs, hopelessness and heartache sets in and leaves you wondering if rebuilding trust is even possible.

Rebuilding trust after a betrayal in a relationship is possible. There is a process that requires full transparency and openness. Although challenging, the process of full disclosure and transparency lead to rebuilding trust.

If you are a woman who has experienced betrayal in your relationship, you may wonder how you can overcome the hurt and pain you’re feeling. In this article, we will show you what the process of rebuilding trust might look like if you decide that is the route you want to go.

How do we begin rebuilding trust after a spouse’s betrayal?

Will I be able to trust you ever again? Is this relationship worth saving? Do we have a future? These are a few of the questions you might be asking yourself after you experience betrayal in a relationship.

The first step to rebuilding trust in a relationship is being open to addressing the betrayal. Accordingly, both the husband and the wife need to decide if they are willing to talk about the betrayal.

“Look for openness, brokenness, and humility consistently over time. You can’t move on if you don’t know what you are moving on from.”

Richard Blankenship, Clinical Director, Capstone Counseling & Coaching

Navigating the trauma and pain of discovering betrayal in your relationship can be extremely difficult. As you try to process the array of feelings and emotions you’re experiencing, you may feel stuck. You may not know what you want to do. Bloom, was designed for you. We’ve helped thousands of women find peace and safety through the process of healing trauma after a betrayal.

Why did he break your trust?

First of all, it is not your fault. Nothing you did or didn’t do caused your spouse to betray you. That was their decision. While it’s true that both people involved in any marriage have flaws to work on, betraying your spouse is a personal choice and never the fault of the other.

As humans, we want connection. Connection and intimacy intertwine, especially in a marriage. It is common for us to misinterpret what intimacy is. For example, pornography can skew the definition of intimacy. Likewise, the lack of an example of a healthy relationship may interfere with the ability to have an accurate definition of intimacy. These are the type of experiences and history that are brought into any relationship.

Unresolved issues can block one’s ability to commit to a relationship. Furthermore, it can inhibit the ability to form deep connections and long-lasting bonds.

At some point, addressing the betrayal in full detail will be necessary to rebuilding trust.

The second and most significant step to rebuilding trust is full disclosure of the betrayal.

Consequently, the most successful couples are able to begin rebuilding trust by addressing every question you have about the betrayal. In this situation, it is reasonable to question all of the events prior to, during, and after the betrayal. Through critical transparency and vulnerability, rebuilding trust can begin to take place.

“Rebuilding trust is a process. Betrayed spouses need time to experience their partners differently, watching for consistency between words and behaviors in big and small ways. They also must learn to trust themselves again.”

Lori Rader-Jacobs, APC

Unquestionably, this step is complicated and difficult. It is difficult because the discussions coincide with intense emotions. They often lead to raw vulnerability for both partners.

Success in addressing the details of the betrayal comes through safety from both the husband and the wife. This can be difficult for a couple working alone. It is recommended that the couple works with a therapist to guide the disclosure process. This can provide a safe environment with a clear direction to moving forward.

If one wants to work on rebuilding trust, but the other doesn’t want to

What happens when one wants to work on rebuilding trust, but the other does not? At the end of the day, there is success within the marriage when both people commit to rebuilding trust and healing.

After betrayal occurs, you will likely experience anger, irritation, and intense sadness. Furthermore, your anxiety and stress may begin to feel like they are taking over. These emotions, combined with your heartache, are all common in betrayal trauma. At Bloom, we can help you process the trauma. We can help clear the way for you to receive some clarity amid everything you are experiencing.

“Healing begins the moment you feel heard.”

Janice H. Stevens, Ed.D., LPC, CCSAS, CCPS

Oftentimes, the hurt and pain are far too much to process. A therapist can provide guidance during such turbulent times.

Why some couples make it and others don’t?

Research shows that when a couple is willing to commit to honestly working the process of rebuilding trust, healing is possible. In fact, 86% of couples who talked about the issue in detail and who answered every question honestly remained married.

Seeking the advice, guidance, and support of a therapist can help provide safety and guidance during the recovery process. At Bloom, we are here to provide you with the support and information needed along your pathway to healing.

About the Author

Bloom offers therapeutic online courses and community support for women healing from the trauma of infidelity or betrayal. We're dedicated to helping women gain confidence, hope, and resilience through professional therapeutic support, educational resources, and an empathetic community.