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Welcome. So glad you are here. We are going to get started in just a moment. So settle on in. We’re going to get started with our self care group and just know that all parts of you are welcomed here today.
So, as we are just kicking off our time here, it’s 3:30, so we’ll get started. I just want to, and I know that many folks will maybe joining us remotely later in our recorded time, I just want to just acknowledge that summer can be a duality. Sometimes summer just has some really lovely qualities that can be restful and really refreshing and then at other times, summer can be just the hardest time to make space for self care. So, that’s why we wanted to offer this group. Just a really quick 30 minute respite in the middle of the day to just take a moment and just welcome all the different parts of you and take just a moment to to really care well for them.
So, I’d like to invite you as we’re getting started, just to think about the different parts of you that may be activated in these summer months that may need a little extra care. That could be parts of you that feel anxiety or overwhelmed parts that are feeling numb or angry. I know last week I made a, a mistake that was really well-intentioned, but I made a mistake that was hurtful. And, so, my shame and my inner critic have really been up. And those are some hard parts to to feel inside. They really feel hard. So you may have some of those as well, some shame or an inner critic. If you’re aware of just any parts of you that are in need of some love and care today that are active or parts of people that you love that are up and really activated, feel free to just drop those in the chat.
And just let me know what what parts of you were feeling really tender today or parts of people that are active? I know for me, that kind of inner critic, like I said, and the shame is really present. And it’s just so sweet to be able to name that and just welcome all the different parts of us and know that they are all just really well-intended.
So this time is just intended to help you to connect and really bring love to a particular part of you that may really be hurting right now. So, as as we think about how we can do that really effectively, I have created what I hope is a really simple, helpful tool for you, and it’s called Move Towardâ„¢ and the reason being, because when we feel things we don’t want to feel or when we do things that we really don’t want to do, what we instinctively do is try to move against it. We try to move against those feelings or move against those behaviors. We might shame ourselves for doing or feeling a certain thing, or we might try to get rid of a feeling or get rid of a behavior. And, counterintuitively that usually makes it worse and that the way to actually help feelings and help behaviors that we may not like feeling or doing is to move toward them and to really welcome them and understand them. And so this time that we’re going to be together today, I’m going to guide you through that process and really help you to do that with some part of you, maybe something you’re feeling or something that you’re doing, that you would like to move toward.
And, I’ve tried to take a lot of very complex ways of healing and distill them down into three simple words so that you can easily remember them and use them when you’re feeling the need. And those three words are just simply notice, know and need. And you have a worksheet that goes along with our time today, but I’m also going to be guiding you through those three words.
And hopefully those will be really comforting to you today in our time, but also you can take them with you and use them whenever you might need them in your experience.
So, if you’d like to join me, feel free to just settle into your space, settle into your body in whatever way really feels most comfortable for you right now.
And maybe take a couple of deep cleansing breaths in through the nose and out through your mouth.
Just really allowing yourself to have a moment for your thoughts and your emotions to catch up to your body and settle in knowing that the next few minutes is time that is reserved just for you and that all parts of you are very welcome here.
I always like to close my eyes when I do this because it helps me to just focus inwardly, but please do whatever feels most comfortable for you. If you’d prefer, you can just allow your gaze to rest quietly on the ground or closing your eyes, whatever’s best for you.
And then let me invite you, if it feels comfortable, to call to mind a part of you that really needs some extra kind of love and attention and care right now.
This might be a part of you that is feeling anxiety and fear. Might be a part of you that’s feeling a lot of sadness and depression. Might be a part of you that’s feeling overwhelmed.
Or, it might be a part of you that’s engaged in a behavior that you may not particularly appreciate. It might be your inner critic who’s being very critical of you internally. Or it might be a part of you that’s trying to help you cope with stress by picking up a glass of wine or binge watching Netflix or yelling at people that you love or controlling or maybe it’s a part of you that says yes when you really want to say no. Or a part of you that is just so exhausted that that you just think you’re not going to be able to put one foot in front of the other.
And it may be that you actually have more than one part of you that comes to mind that needs a little attention and care and love today, and that’s perfectly normal and perfectly welcome.
So, just notice if that’s the case for you, the different parts of you that would like some time and some care and just acknowledging each one of them.
And then just allowing these different parts of you to make a choice or a decision, that in this moment, which part of you is going to be able to have time with you today. Perhaps the one that may need it the most or the one that’s in the most pain.
And, when you have a sense of that part of you that is going to have the opportunity to spend time with you today, if there are other parts of you that also need care, maybe sending them some love and setting an intention to spend time with them a little bit later.
And then if it feels right for you, just invite this target part of you to come forward, in whatever way seems right for you. It may already be very forward, it may be really present for you right now, or it may not, be either way is perfectly fine.
If you’re not really connected with this part of you at this very moment, one way that you can connect with it is to think back to the most recent time that you can remember it being activated and just notice what that felt like.
Notice
And so we’re just going to take step one, which is to notice this part of you,
maybe you have an awareness of where it’s showing up in your body.
You might notice it in tension in your shoulders or a choking up in your throat or tears behind your eyes. Or perhaps it’s a racing heart or a pit in your stomach or a sensation in your hands that wants to do something.
Or you might notice this part of you in your thoughts or as a feeling.
You might even have an image of it. Could look like a cartoon or a younger version of yourself, or really anything at all. Whatever you’re noticing is exactly right. Just really allow your attention to be with this part of you. In whatever way you are noticing it.
And if it feels okay, you may even want to just gently breathe into this part, breathe some compassion, perhaps even some loving kindness into this part of you, however you’re aware of it. With no effort to change it or shifted in any way, just breathing compassion towards it for a moment.
And really staying with it, very gently. Even if you notice parts of you that don’t like it coming up, that’s okay. Just staying with it until you can connect with this sense of compassion, perhaps curiosity, perhaps just some openness towards this part of you.
And if you’ve been able to connect with some open-heartedness or some compassion or kindness, then you know that you’re ready to move on to step two, which is simply the word.
Know
Know. What is it that this part of you would like you to know about it? So, take just a moment and I know it may seem a little unusual to actually speak to a part of you, but that’s okay, just bear with me. If you can ask this part of you, why it gets triggered or why it’s triggered right now. And, don’t try to figure it out, just wait and see what comes to mind.
You may get a sense that it gets activated in situations where it maybe feels unsafe or unloved or unwelcome or something of that nature.
And if it’s a feeling you can ask this part of you, when it first started feeling this way? When in your life did this part of you first start to have to carry this feeling?
And just gently stay with that for a moment. You may notice that some memories are coming up in your mind’s eye. And just let this part of you show you as much as it wants you to know about what it’s been like to have to carry this feeling for all this time.
Or if it is a behavior, if it’s a part of you, that’s engaged in a difficult behavior you can ask this part of you when it first started to try to help you, by doing this thing that it does. And again, don’t try to figure it out, just ask when did you first start trying to help me by doing this job and see if you get a memory that just comes to mind.
And again, just, if you’re noticing memories coming up, just staying with it and letting this part of you show you how long it’s been doing this hard job and trying to help you in this way.
You can ask this part of you, how old it thinks you are and just see if a number comes up in your mind.
And, if a number did come to mind and it’s different than the age that you actually are you can maybe gently update this part of you as to how old you truly are, maybe really letting it take you in just really almost turning towards you and really looking at you in a sense, as if it was quite separate from you and noticing that you are an adult.
And feel free to take it on a brief kind of tour of your adultness, if you would like to get it oriented. Was part of you might be very surprised to learn how old you really are.
And then just as we come to the end of step two, just asking this part of you, if there’s anything else that it wants you to know about why it’s been feeling the way it’s been feeling or doing the job that it’s been doing, does it like what it’s doing or how it’s feeling?
Or would it rather do or feel something different?
And if you’re noticing that this part of you would prefer to do or feel something different, just let it know that is actually possible. That it is possible to heal the pain that’s driving it so that it doesn’t have to carry this heavy burden any longer.
And for today, we’re not going to do that, but we’re just going to bring it some comfort.
Need
So if you feel ready, if that feels complete for you, we can move into step three, which is just simply the word need.
And so you can ask this part of you, is there anything that it needs from you to feel just a little bit more comfortable? Just a little bit less activated, and again, don’t try to figure it out, just see if something comes to mind.
And if something comes to mind, that this part of you needs in your inner experience. So, it might need something just as simple as a hug or to be welcomed and not shunned. Or, it might just metaphorically need to sit down in a chair and kind of have a break or something to eat, or a cup of tea.
If anything like that comes to mind, go ahead and arrange for that, just in the quiet of your own internal visualization.
And, just notice if this part of you is feeling just a little more comforted with those tangible, internal acts of care and love.
You also may notice that something in your external world is coming to mind. This part of you may need you to use your voice or set a boundary and follow through or ask for help or make an amends.
And if something of that nature is coming to mind that this part of you would really like you to do. And if it feels like something you realistically could and are willing to do, go ahead and just take a moment with this part of you and just set that intention.
Keeping in mind that it doesn’t have to be a huge earth shattering action. It can just be a baby step of sorts. But if there’s one small action that you might be able to take so that this part of you doesn’t have to be so activated, just noticing what that’s like.
And, then whenever that feels complete for you for today, knowing that this is just a brief experience of moving toward one part of you, but that with the worksheet and other resources that we have to offer you, you can spend as much time as you’d like with this wonderful part of you or any other parts of you that need a little love and care and attention.
So as we began the process of very gently shifting our attention out of the space of our internal world. Taking just a moment, if it feels right for you to extend just some love, compassion, appreciation, to this wonderful part of you that showed up today to spend time and to ask for your care and your attention.
And then whenever you feel ready, going slowly, because shifting our focus from our inner experience to our outer experience can sometimes be just a bit disorienting. So, please feeling free to do that at a pace that feels right for you, perhaps beginning to take a couple of deep breaths.
Starting to notice the support of the chair underneath you or the floor. Under your feet, noticing how you are supported literally physically, in this moment in time.
And noticing also how you in your authentic core, adult self, can move toward and support parts of you that are hurting and in pain.
And, with that, just gently beginning to reopen your eyes and reorient to the room around you.
Journal Exercise
And, let me invite you, as you reconnect to your external awareness. If you have a piece of paper handy and if you would like to do feel free to just take a quiet moment to journal anything that may have come up for you in that brief move toward experience. In particular, if you got an image, like a visual image of this part of you, feel free to sketch that out. It doesn’t matter if you’re an artist or not, just so you have a sense of it. And if you learned anything about this part of you, for example, when in your life it started first feeling the way that it feels. Or perhaps when it first learned how to try to jump in and help you by doing the thing that it does for you.
Go ahead and write that down. Particularly, if you did have a chance to set an intention, to do something on behalf of this part of you. If it needed you to use your voice or to set a boundary or to maybe practice self care by doing this once a month or whatever it might have asked for. Go ahead and write that down as well, so that you can be sure to follow through.
We wouldn’t want to abandon or disappoint this part of you.
And, what’s interesting is when we switched from our inner experience to our external awareness, we actually are switching parts of the brain that are active and so you may notice that in about 30 minutes, the experience that you just participated in may become a little bit fuzzy to you and hard to remember, which is why I like to encourage the journal.
And I’ve also provided a worksheet for you, just a very simple one page worksheet that will help guide you through this very simple move toward process. I hope you have found this very helpful and comforting for the sweet part of you that needed a little love and care today. And, I’d love for you to be able to take that worksheet and just have it with you at all times. So if you notice that you’re getting triggered or activated, that you have just a really quick resource that you can grab and just go through those three simple steps, notice the part of you that’s activated and where it’s showing up in your body or if you have an image of it. Know, what does it want you to know about where it started feeling or doing what it’s feeling or doing and why it got activated in this moment?
And then third is need. What does it need from you to feel just a little more comfort?
These three steps can be extremely powerful for helping us to practice self-care. And if you like and resonate with this approach, I have a whole bunch of free guided move toward meditations on several different websites.
My website is JennaRiemersma.Com. We also have moved toward meditations on Bloom for Women and Path for Men, I believe. And also ParentGuidance.Org. So, whatever website you are participating with please feel free to use those as often as possible, to really help these wonderful parts of you that may be in pain or trying to help you in some way to feel really witnessed and seen and loved and cared for.
So, thank you so much for joining me today for Move Towardâ„¢ with Jenna and I hope that you will join me again. We’re doing these summer drop in self care groups once a month. And I really hope that it is a comfort and a help to you as you go forward into all that your life holds over the next week and month.
Thank you so much.
I’ll look forward to seeing you next month. Take care of everybody.