Do The Things

“I’m very sad.”


It’s lunch time. I look down at my messages and see one from my best friend.


“It doesn’t seem possible to fight the rising tide of violence and evil.


It’s just battering the shore relentlessly, eroding us away.”


I know. I feel it too. All morning I have been seeing Facebook posts, tweets, and Instagram posts about violence, fear, and hate. I had just had the realization that I had to get off the internet for a while (not an easy thing when it is your job).


I text back: You have been online too much. Are you taking care of yourself today? Have you eaten and had some water?


“No I’m in bed still. I should get up. I want to sleep all day.”


When you have been through trauma, social unrest and social energy can deeply affect you. You have probably become hypersensitive to cues and moods. If you spend too much time online or watching the news, you can get pulled into a deep sadness. It is very easy to give in to desperation and fear. It’s like how a small baby or the family pet always knows when something is wrong and then acts out to express the inexpressible. You are not crazy. You are not a mess. You are responding to your environment. The way to change things, to get some relief, is to change the environment.


I text back: Can you take a bath or shower and use shower gel that smells really good? Maybe use your lavender? Wear your favorite earrings and most favorite outfit. Create something today. Nourish your body. Drink lots of water. Watch some Bob Ross and Jim Hensen.




She’s still struggling.


I text back: There is some good left in this world. And it’s worth fighting for. And that means taking care of yourself, because you bless so many people.


“Okay, you’re right.”


I send her more encouragement. I remind her about great art, the faces of her children, really good books. There are good things in the world. And she is one of them. I tell her the things that I need to hear, too.


“Okay. I’m getting up to do the things.”


I text back: Do the things. I will do them with you.




She believes me a little bit more this time. So I write back:


“It matters. You matter. They matter. It all matters.”

If you have been feeling pulled down by the events in the media, the tension in your relationship, and the mood of your home, remember some things.


  1. When your soul is grieving, it’s important to take care of your body.
  2. It matters.
  3. You matter.
  4. They matter: the names in the news, the names of your children, the names of the stars. They matter.
  5. It all matters.
  6. Always keep fighting. Even when you are tired. If you are tired, take a nap. Maybe what everyone needs is a good nap.
  7. You are not alone. You may feel like you are, but you aren’t. Reach out.
  8. You are enough. You may be imperfect, unshowered, and feel like a hot mess. But, you are enough.

Go do the things that matter. I will do them with you. That is how we make the world a better place.


Much love,



Join Bloom for Women

For women seeking healing from betrayal trauma.

Join Bloom for Partners

For men seeking help for unwanted sexual behaviors.