Welcome. My name is Andrea Rowley. I am the coaching director here at bloom for women, and we have a great content for tonight. We’re going to talk about developing consistency in our recovery and how to do that, what that looks like. Maybe some of the pitfalls that come with not being able to do that correctly.
So we’re going to jump right in. And start out talking about our focus for today. So first of all, we’re going to talk about the overview of basic recovery tools. Then we’re going to talk about understanding the binge and purge cycle and how it can halt recovery. And we’re talking about the betrayal trauma binge and purge cycle.
I know we’re probably familiar with that in an eating disorder, but this is going to be in our betrayal trauma space. It’ll make sense once we dig in and look at that. the third thing we’re going to talk about is understand how to use recovery tools consistently to get the results that you want.
So starting off with the basic recovery tools, I just listed nine of them. There are. obviously there’s many of those things, but these are the basics. These are the ones that you really want to have under your belt in order to have a healthy recovery. So the first one is boundaries. We want to make sure that we have good boundaries.
we want to make sure that we have, we’re letting go of the outcome. a true boundary is you’ve got to let go of the outcome and focus on creating a healthy space for yourself. The hardest part about boundaries is letting go of the outcome. So we want to make sure that we’re doing. Self care is another really important tool that we want to have under our belt in recovery.
If we’re not taking care of ourselves, then it makes it difficult to do anything else in this recovery space. especially if we have maybe a children, a family, or friendships that we want to keep up on having a good, healthy sense of self care is going to be vital for us to take ourselves back in this space.
vulnerability. Is another really important part of recovery. We need to make sure that we’re being vulnerable with ourselves, really connecting with how we feel, making sure that we’re vulnerable with other people and, really allowing ourselves to be honest and have a voice about where we’re at and being clear about how we feel in this space called recovery.
The fourth one is connection with self and with others. A lot of times we focus a lot more on connection with others, but when you are in a relationship with an addict, oftentimes you are disconnecting with yourself. All along the way. And what we want to do is make sure that you are having that healthy connection with yourself, as well as with other people.
If you cannot connect with yourself, you cannot connect with other people. and truly what we tend to do in this space with an addict. We disconnect from ourselves, along the way. And the reason why we do that is because we’re feeling off, we’re feeling like something’s just not right. We might ask and he’ll say, I’m doing great.
Everything’s fine. And then we’re left going, okay, I have this alarm bell going off. He says, he’s fine. Everything looks fine, but I feel not. Okay. So we disconnect. It’s equivalent. pulling the plug on an alarm system,let’s just turn the alarm off. So we disconnect from our true feelings from how we’re we’re doing deep inside and we’re left feeling a little bit empty because we’re not connecting internally.
the other part of that is connecting with others. when we are able to connect with other people, we’re able to get the validation. connection is really a great part of healing. We have to make sure that we’re not isolating, in shame or, painting ourselves into a corner. So connection is a really important part of recovery.
It’s difficult because we don’t always know who to connect with. And sometimes we might reach out and connect with another person and get hurt by them. And that can cause us to say, I’m not doing that again. And we want to make sure that we stay away from, giving up there. There are going to be people that we try to connect with that maybe aren’t going to be the best people that we want to reach out to, but don’t give up, keep trying to find those healthy people in your life that you can connect with.
The next one is self-love and self-trust,going along with connection. When we are in a relationship with an addict, we start to lose that self-trust because again, Something doesn’t feel right. He says, he’s fine. what’s wrong with me. Some of the red flag phrases that I try to teach my clients is that if you ever hear yourself saying, maybe I’m just, maybe I’m just crazy.
Maybe I’m just overreacting. Maybe I’m just insecure. Maybe I just can’t let this go. Anytime you say that phrase, maybe I’m just let that be a red flag phrase for you and step back and say, wait a minute. I’m about to dismiss. Some really important information here. I’m about to devalue what I’m feeling, which lowers our self-trust and it lowers our self-love.
So we do this number on ourselves. And then, over a period of time, our self-love is very low. Our self-trust is down and then we have this thing happened called D day where we find out something terrible is going on in our relationship. And we feel incredibly broken. We feel like I don’t even know what to do now.
I don’t even trust myself anymore. And that, that self trust has been broken for a period of time long before D-Day. So that is another thing that we need to start working on one of those tools that we need under our belt in recovery. the next one is bound or balanced. Sorry. I was going to say boundaries, but balance.
we want to create a healthy balance in our lives because when we are. In a relationship. Where it’s heavily tipped towards physical, but there’s not a lot of emotional connection or maybe spiritual connection going on. we can start to feel very out of balance and life feels meaningless.
it’s just about physical. All I am is this physical. I’m here to provide pleasure and be here physically, but we’re emotionally starved. We’re emotionally drained. And Creating balance for yourself is going to be very important in your recovery. and we’re going to talk a little bit about that tonight.
We want to make sure that we’re responding to our triggers. we will, I will probably do more blue lines on this subject because triggers are a very big part of the trail trauma. And it’s a very difficult part of betrayal trauma, knowing how to navigate that space is extremely difficult. And so what we want to do is make sure that we are responding to them in a healthy way, meaning instead of avoiding triggering places and people.
We want to say, okay. What am I feeling? What am I really feeling? What’s the story behind what’s happening in the situation. So we get curious and we have loving compassion for ourselves and the situation when we can bring compassion and respect into that situation, it really can help us to process what has happening.
the other thing we want to do is bring truth to the situation is. A true analysis that I am, that I’m seeing right now. And that can happen. if you have a trigger that says, if this person is like this, I must be less than, that’s a huge trigger that a lot of women have. If I see someone that looks a certain way, they might get triggered by that and start to tell themselves a story.
About how unworthy or undesirable they are. And so we want to make sure that we’re looking at that story asking ourselves, okay, is this a true story? And if it’s not bringing truth in, but keeping up on those triggers, if we don’t do that, we can often paint ourselves into a corner where we don’t go to places we use to love.
We don’t hang out with people. We used to love. we don’t do things that we use to love and we start to create. This chasm between who we are and this new space that we’re feeling and that we’re feeling stuck in. So responding to triggers is a really important recovery tool that we also want to be consistent in.
These are tools. We’re just talking about the basics of recovery. These are the things that you want to develop consistency in, and we’re going to talk about how to. Breathing, we’ve talked about this in our, I had another bloom live, where we talked about the importance of the grieving process and betrayal trauma.
we are going through a lot of grieving, a lot of grief and loss is happening grief for what we thought was grief for the future. And what we thought could be, we might debriefing the current situation and the lack of safety that we used to feel. there’s a lot of grief and loss in this space. We want to make sure that we’re consistent in letting ourselves work through that.
Oftentimes, I’ll hear women say, I am on this crazy roller coaster and I want to get off. that roller coaster is the grief and loss process we are going through and cycling through the anger, the denial, the depression, then we accept and we think, okay, I’ve got this. I’m, I’ve got everything under control.
I think I’ve mastered this space. I’m doing. And then we start feeling anger again, or we go into denial and it feels like a roller coaster, but the beauty of that is every time we allow ourselves to work through those grief and loss steps, we get better and better at working through them.
It’s when we don’t let ourselves move through them, that the real problem comes. And we talked about that and in past flu mites where, if I’m not letting myself. Move into anger because I’m afraid of my anger. Then I’m going to be stuck in denial. And this is where if you ever hear yourself saying, I feel stuck.
I want you to look at that and say, okay, what am I afraid of moving into? And honestly, sometimes we’re just afraid of that roller coaster altogether. So we stay in one stage of grief and loss. I’m stuck. In denial or I’m stuck in my anger. Let yourself move through and ask yourself the question.
What am I afraid of in depression? What am I afraid of in allowing myself to accept what is taking place? So those are some tools that we can do to move through that grief and loss process. Again, getting curious, letting ourselves feel, being patient with ourselves, but when you’re in anger, It’s hard to be patient with yourself because you’re like this isn’t who I used to be, this is not the me that I’m familiar with.
And I’m scared to see this part of me come out. And so we can often avoid certain stages cause it scares us. So give yourself patience, allow yourself the grace to work through those stages of grief. And the last one that is really important is education. a lot of women have the desire to do recovery, have the willpower and the energy and the strength to do recovery, but they don’t know what to do. And that what to do is the missing link. And so it often leads to frustration. depression and anxiety over the future and what’s going on in their lives because they don’t know. What to do. So education is a really important part of this.
When we can give our brain information, it can now start to process properly through what is taking place, because when we’re hit with betrayal trauma, our brain kind of goes through this, traumatic event and says, okay, look into the database. What do we have? how has this happened before? And when our brain is, wait, this has never happened before.
Then it’s I don’t know what to do. and then it starts to go through maybe some movies we watched. Okay. in the, in movies, it was always her fault because she wasn’t enough. And so we come up with these really, inaccurate excuses for why we’re in the situation. I, must’ve not been pretty enough.
I must’ve not been desirable in us. And we take those things and we insert them into the reasoning why this must have taken. Education helps us to bust through those inaccurate connections that we make. It helps us to understand the nature of addiction and how that. Really a complicated space that we had no idea what it was all about.
We can start to understand our betrayal trauma, that we’re not crazy, that our reaction is quite normal and give ourselves the patience and the understanding that we need. it’s just a really important process in order to heal, get educated. It’s a really important thing. a quote that I love to share with my clients and when I went to Dr.
Skinner myself, One thing that he said to me changed my life. And that was, I went to him saying, I don’t know what to do. I have no idea. And I hear this from clients all the time. And what he said to me was, if you don’t know what to do, you don’t have enough information. That’s really the missing key here.
when you don’t have enough information, you don’t know what to do. So go get more information and it’s really, there’s so much great information out there. It’s really simple. But we need to go seek it out here at bloom for women, we have a lot of great information. So get more information, get educated, help yourself to get to that recovery space.
But as we’re going to talk about tonight, we need to make sure that we’re doing this consistently and not doing what we’re going to talk about next, which is the binge and purge cycle. So a little quote that I want to share before we get into the binge and purge is if you are persistent, you will get it.
If you are consistent, you will keep it. when we are trying to recover, let’s say physically, I have a friend that got her appendix out and her doctor said you’re going to feel pretty, pretty lousy for six weeks, but the first four weeks are going to be the worst. And then you’re going to start feeling a little bit better.
And he said that is the most dangerous part of recovery because you’re going to stay down the first four weeks. You’re going to feel pretty crappy the first four weeks. You’re not going to want to lift anything. You’re just not going to feel great. But when you start feeling great at week five, You’re going to try and lift more, or you’re going to try and do more, and you’re going to stop doing the things that got you, the recovery that you’ve gotten so far, and you’re going to start damaging your own recovery by trying to do too much too soon.
And same thing goes for our recovery space. We need to be consistent in our recovery and, really make sure that we’re not doing this burst. And then just say, I’m in a good place now I’ll stop. which is the binge and purge cycle that we’ll talk about. So you want to keep doing those things that get us to a healthy place.
This is a lifestyle change. Recovery is not about a quick fix. It’s not about doing something for a short period of time. And then we just go back to normal. What we want to do is create a new normal, a new, healthy, normal, because oftentimes when you look back on your past, you can see these unhealthy patterns.
Unhealthy patterns of communication, unhealthy patterns of boundaries, lack of boundary setting, or not being able to know how to set healthy boundaries, lack of really, truly understanding how to take care of yourself. So what we’re doing in this recovery space is we’re creating a new, healthy version of.
So we’re recovering who we are and who we always should have been. And we want to maintain that we don’t want to ever stop doing the healthy steps that get us here. We want to maintain. And so part of that consistency is learning to maintain it on a daily basis. So we’re going to talk about the binge and purge cycle.
First, we’ll talk about the binge. When someone is in the binge portion of the binge and purge cycle, they typically spend countless hours, day and night looking up information on addiction, trauma, gaslighting, affair recovery, and other key topics. They might go as far as seek out, help. Or join the recovery group, even start therapy only to feel overwhelmed by the work that needs to be done, decide it’s not right for them and move on to something else.
They are in deep pain and shame about what has happened in their relationship. And they are desperate to find answers. They will usually get frustrated when those answers don’t come quickly, or if it requires more time and effort than what they would like. Remember trauma is already exhausting enough as it is.
Eventually this behavior will wear down on the mind and body and the betrayed partner will enter a state of hopelessness and despair, which will lead them into a purge state. So just pausing on this for a minute. truly this is where, we want, we just want it better now. I don’t want this to take too long.
I remember when I was going through this and someone said, this will take three to five years. And I was like, no, it can’t, I can’t possibly last that long, but I want you to understand that recovery is. Three to five years of where you’re at now, it is progressively getting better as you’re consistent, and we want to develop that consistency so we can keep going down that path and seeing improvement along the way.
but yes, definitely what happens is this binge cycle, and then it leads us into the purge. In this state of purge, the betrayed individual will disconnect from their own feelings and sense of purpose. This disconnect from self will cause them to feel a disconnect with others, as well as they disconnect from self and others, they will turn to coping devices such as eating, fasting, exercising, watching movies, maybe sleeping for long hours on end, et cetera, to numb out the feelings of pain that come.
From not feeling seen, heard and understood by others over time. The feeling of being disconnected from self and others will be too great. And this will lead them to another binge in order to find answers and get the help and connection. They know they need, this leads us right back into the binge portion of the cycle.
So it just keeps going in this loop. I can’t do this anymore. This is too much. And then at, like it said here, once we do get to that place where we’re just like, I need to connect, I need help. Then we go right back into, give me as much help as I can right now. And we get overwhelmed and it’s just a cycle that keeps perpetuating itself over and over again.
so we want to make sure that we are. Developing consistency for this very reason, because this cycle is very destructive and it wears on us and it leads to a great amount of hopelessness, a state of confusion and frustration. And we start to wonder if we’re ever going to be able to get out of this mess.
we want to make sure that we are getting out of this binge and purge cycle by doing daily consistent work. So a figure that kind of helps us understand this when we look at other people, and this is the hard part about betrayal trauma, we see other people succeeding and doing well, and it just makes us feel like, will I ever get there.
Can I ever get to a place of success and normalcy again? But what we don’t see is everything under the surface, we don’t see the persistence. There are a lot of failures that take place. We are learning things we have never done before. you think about it. When’s the last time you were taught.
Healthy boundaries and how to navigate that space. So when you start to set boundaries, you’re going to fail, but it’s not failure. If you learn from it and say, okay, I did this part wrong here. I’m going to tweak that just a little bit. And I’m going to do it a little bit better the next time. So we have to have patience.
We have to give ourselves grace because these are new concepts that we have never had to navigate before. a lot of us weren’t taught how to have that healthy self-care and self-love. So we’re going to have some struggles with that learning to be vulnerable. that’s a scary place for a lot of people, so that’s going to be something we need to be consistently working at not perfection, but really trying to work through it and give ourselves a lot of patience.
So I just want this to help you see yes, success is possible, but it’s not without a lot of work without a lot of discipline, with a lot of sacrifice and yes, disappointments along the way. But as we learn from those disappointments, we will be able to get better and better. So how do we use our recovery tools consistently?
the best example that I have found for myself and for my clients is this, this analogy of a home gym. I do have a home gym right now in my. And it’s funny. My husband collects exercise equipment. I literally have three treadmills in my house. I have two ellipticals. I have, I had two weight machines.
I finally convinced him to throw one out and give it to a friend. we collect exercise equipment, but my husband and I over the years have had to learn how to use that consistently you can collect all the tools you want, and I want you to listen with your analogy ears. You can collect all the exercise equipment you want it, does you no good if you’re not using it consistently.
And if I use my exercise equipment and I spend a whole day and I work out and I do a lot of work in one day and I get proud of myself, I’m not going to see the results I need. If I wait a few weeks or maybe a month before I do that again. So those bursts of exercise are not going to give me the results that I want.
The only way I’m going to see the results that I want is if I use that equipment every single day, when people ask me what the most important part of recovery is, without a doubt and without even questioning it’s consistency. If I have boundaries and I’m consistently maintaining those boundaries, I will get recovery.
All the other tools are fantastic and necessary, but those two are key. I have to be consistent because if I am not consistent in my boundaries or I’m not consistent in my recovery tools, all the tools we just talked about earlier. It really doesn’t matter. I can have all the tools in the world, but I’m not going to see results if I’m not doing them consistently.
And I think the hardest part about recovery is how do I do this consistently? It feels overwhelming. It’s so much do what you can and do it daily, for example, I know for me in my own recovery, Before D-Day I was running six to 10 miles on average. I was in great shape and I could do a lot of physical activity D day hit.
And my emotion, my emotional state really affected my physical state. I couldn’t even get out of bed. And I remember just thinking, how am I ever going to run again? Like I just can’t, I can’t do this. so I had to be very patient with myself and it was hard because at first I was definitely comparing myself to my old self and I was like, I can barely walk five minutes on the treadmill when I used to be able to run, six to 10 miles.
So it was really hard for me, but I had to start with five minutes and I would walk five minutes on my treadmill. And then when I got comfortable with that, I moved it to 10 minutes, but I made sure to do that every day. And I only did what I couldn’t run 5, 6, 7 miles. I could walk five minutes because that was where he was at, but I knew that I needed to do something consistently.
And so the key is do it, do what you can do it consistently. And do not compare yourself to anyone, especially your old self, because you’ve gone through a serious fracture and you can’t expect yourself to function at a high level when you’ve gone through something as serious as betrayal trauma, and it is serious.
So be patient with yourself. Give yourself that daily, small dose, if you have to, and then slowly let yourself increase that, same thing with eating habits, you can liken it to eating habits. I’m not going to get to that place of health that I want if I’m not consistently eating healthy. so really what we want to do the key to consistency is make an appointment with yourself and keep it.
If it’s five minutes. Five minutes. It is. And then keep it. What we want to do is develop these habits of showing up for ourselves. We are so good at showing up for other people and being consistent with other people, but I want you to take inventory and think about how well you’re doing with being consistent with yourself.
And oftentimes we’re not, oftentimes we really do neglect. Ourselves. And we put ourselves on the back burner, but we want to develop self-trust. And so this concept of consistency is important for all the other tools, because if I am not consistent with myself, then I’m going to struggle with self-love.
I’m going to struggle with that self care. when we have people in our lives who aren’t consistent with us, our trust in them goes way down. So same thing for us, if. Ability to be consistent with ourselves is not there. We will stop trusting ourselves. So what we’re also doing is developing self-trust and self love as we’re developing this consistency,really important to have in our recovery.
so the next thing I want to talk about is, making a list. This is a tool that you can have to go home with today. Um making a list of three things in each of the following categories that if done daily would change you over time. The reason I say three is because oftentimes we’re like, I could list a whole bunch of.
Don’t do that. You don’t need to. What you need to do is take your top three. And really what I would suggest doing is maybe take a minute and write down, okay, physically, what are the things I need physically take a minute and write down everything that comes to mind. What do I need physically to survive and thrive and be my best self, and then write everything down and then look at that list and pick your top five.
Okay out of this list, what are the five most important things that I need in order to survive and thrive and be my best self physically. And then take that list of five and say, okay, what’s my top three. And those are your top three things physically that you need every day to survive and thrive and be your best.
And then do the same thing spiritually. And this means spiritually, whatever that means for you. If you are not religious, then you know, really what do you need for your own sense of internal self every day? and so do that same thing, right? For a minute, write down everything that comes to mind, pick your top five and then narrow it down to your top three.
You don’t want more than three things on that list because you want to keep it simple. It has been proven over and over again. If we keep things simple, Then we’re more likely to do them. If we have a big list, it gets overwhelming. We get overwhelmed and we ended up quitting. So we’re trying to develop consistency.
And part of that is keeping it simple, keeping it at a level we can actually accomplish and then do it emotionally. What things do you need emotionally to survive and thrive and be your best self? Once you make this list and I highly recommend you writing this down. I actually have my list on my wall here in my office.
I keep it on my wall so I can look at it on a consistent basis. Why? Because any time that I feel off or I feel like I’m not doing well, I’m like something just doesn’t feel right. Or I’m just not my best self right now. I can absolutely look at that list and go. Oh, all physically I am slacking on two of these things or one of these things I’m doing great spiritually.
I’m doing great emotionally, but here’s where the problem is. And when I look at that and I start going back to that list and improving in that spot. It things go much better. And sometimes it’s a spiritual thing and sometimes it’s an emotional thing, but this is how we can keep ourselves in check so that we can say, all right, where am I at?
And how do I improve that spot? But those are the things that you need consistently on a daily basis to be your best self in this recovery space. This is truly what we want to do in our recovery to get the tools, to really have an impact in our lives. Otherwise, like I said, with the gym equipment, we can have all the tools we want.
But if we aren’t using them consistently, we will not see the results that we want. We truly will not see those results. So I’m going to end with a couple of quotes and then I will take some questions and answers if you have them. So another great quote, what you do every day matters more than what you do every once in a while, going back to consistency.
And then the last one is courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage, You can’t practice any other virtue consistently. So have the courage to show up for yourself every day, have the courage to really, take inventory and say, what do I need consistently?
And how can I show up for myself on a daily basis if it’s five minutes a day. So be it five minutes a day. If you can do 10 to 15, that’s what I usually tell my clients 10 to 15 minutes a day. That will make a huge difference in your life and in your recovery. But we don’t, we want to get away from that binge and purge where we’re doing a whole bunch and then nothing, because just like exercise, we’re not going to see the results that we want.
the other part of this concept of consistency is that oftentimes we, we don’t see the results right away. you think about it when you are consistently exercising every day. You go, things are slowly fitting differently, but it’s not like overnight. You see this dramatic change.
That’s the nature of recovery. The nature of recovery is it’s slowly and perceptively over time with consistent active behavior. So we want to consistently show up for ourselves consistently do that work, and we will start to see. Over time, things feel different. I feel different. I’m navigating the space is so much better.
so really take that space and that time to be consistent with yourself. Okay. Any questions, that you have for me?
So one of the things I’ve seen is it would be neat to see some answers to these I’m thinking, but drawing a blank on some of them. Yeah, it is hard because when you sit down with a pen and paper, like what do I need again, coming back to, we often put ourselves on the back burner. So it’s, it is a challenge sometimes to go, what do I need to survive and thrive?
I’m going to go back to that list really quick so we can see that. So physically, spiritually, emotionally, Some of the things I’ll just tell you that I have on my list. So physically I need to exercise in some shape or form every day that just helps me to get the right endorphins going, to get myself in the right head space.
It helps me to feel better about myself. It is definitely an antidepressant for me and I do. I do struggle with that if I’m not physically active. So for me, it’s my medication. I need to exercise every day. so let me look at my list really quick here. So another thing would be to eat better. I find that if I’m not eating healthy, I don’t feel great.
And it does absolutely affect my emotional state. It’s really interesting. Cause when you start to do this list, these lists you’ll start to see how interconnected they are. my physical list absolutely affects my spiritual and emotional. Just like I said, I can exercise and it helps me emotionally to not get as depressed.
It can help me spiritually to have insight and guidance. I get a lot of insights and in spiritual guidance when I’m exercising. So it’s one of those things where it’s a win-win-win you get all three. But it’s on my physical list because it is a physical activity. spiritually I put journal work on there because for me, journal work is a very spiritual thing.
I also put reading my I’m Christian. So reading my Bible for other people that aren’t Christian, it might be just taking a nature walk and really letting themselves connect to nature. So whatever spiritual means for you. That would be something maybe meditation, something that really helps you connect to your inner spirituality.
emotional, that would be, let me look at mine again. recovery work, really making sure that I’m learning and educating myself. So again, these are going to be different for all of us. This is what I need to survive and thrive. I have more on my list, but I’m just hitting some of the bigger ones to give you some ideas, but hopefully that helps you get some ideas rolling.
but really just look at yourself and say, Really, what do I need? What do I need to survive and thrive and be my best self. Any other questions? Thank you for asking that. That was a really great question,
I have a question that I put on the chat, but, when you say recovery can take three to five years, is that for like my own individual recovery as a betrayed partner? that’s what I’ve seen it’s for the addict, but oftentimes, ours can take that long too, depending on how we’re able to really face some of our own struggles.
Some of our triggers, if we are resistant, it can take longer. But when I see women who are actively, facing the storm, looking at their family of origin, looking at the situation that they’ve been. Understanding addiction, understanding betrayal, trauma. It can take that long, but again, it’s, you’re progressively getting better.
So in that three to five years, you’re getting, you’re setting boundaries at the beginning, but like I said, we weren’t taught how to do these things. So it’s not, it’s a little rusty. And so then we start to get better and better by the time it gets to that. Five-year mark. We are really able to hold our boundaries in a healthy, happy way.
we’re able to show up for ourselves really well. this is stuff that takes time. It takes time to practice. Would you say it’s the still the same timeframe if we’re separated from, our partner? Again, it depends on the work that we do. It going back to the exercise analogy. if we’re just like, I’ve separated.
So I’m just going to I’ve got the exercise equipment, so I’m just going to sit here and wait for it to come and get me. It won’t work. So it really does, again, this concept of consistency. It really, truly depends on our consistency. if I’m separated, I, and I’m doing my work consistently.
yeah, it could go a lot faster, especially if I’m not constantly being brought back into trauma, which is a difficult part if you stay in a relationship, but it is also a really important part because you’re learning how to work with your partner. So it’s not a bad thing to stay and learn how to navigate that.
But if you aren’t staying, it’s definitely going to be a little bit different as well, but you’re still gonna be
any other questions.
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